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The Rules of Engagement
What to do if you spot Elvis.
It's a fact of American life.
Any one of us, at any given moment, could find ourselves face to face with the King of Rock and Roll.
When this moment occurs, and it will, be prepared.
Review the information below with your family and practice regular "Elvis Drills" in your home.
There is no excuse for not being prepared.
What to do if you see Elvis:
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1.) Do not attempt to speak to Elvis. Elvis spoke a variation of English called, "Thankyouverymuch". Few humans can understand this linguistic anomaly. |
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2.) Make an offering of Pork or Pork Byproducts. Remember: Elvis Loves Bacon |
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3.) Take a decent Damned photo. All the photos we get are crap. |
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4.) Do not ask for an autograph. Elvis has not spoken to another human being for many of our lifetimes. He may not understand this "autograph". |
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5.) Do not board the "Mothership". Elvis is now working for an evil alien empire. He is their pawn. Boarding the "Mothership" may result in anal probing and memory loss. You have been warned. |
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6.) Most importantly: DO NOT PISS HIM OFF! Elvis could kill you. He knows Karate. |
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